The Journey is a Generational Thing

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived.
~Charlotte Joko Beck

For when David had served God's purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep; he was buried with his father and his body decayed.
~Acts 13:36

Lord, You have been our dwelling place from generation to generation...
~Ps. 90:1

I'm the kind of person that likes to hang out in cemeteries. I walk around reading the headstones. Rarely do I find one with the name Gillihan on it. The ones that make me stop are the ones that have a date related to May 13, 1954. My birthday. If the headstone shows that the person was born or died on May 13, 1854 or died on May 13, 1954, I stop and ponder about the life of that person. Who was that person? What was their life like, especially if it was 1854? What did they struggle with? What was the world like then? What was a spiritual life like for them, if they had one? Sometimes I also wonder if a person born on May 13, 2054 would be standing before my headstone, pondering the same questions about me. "Huh. This guy was born 100 years to the day before I was. Wonder who he was and what life was like back in his day?"

I have often wondered about the daily life and struggle of my ancestors as they carved out a life in Arkansas. Is there anything of any one of them in me?  I look up at the night sky and wonder if any of my ancestors had the same questions about life as I do, as they looked up at the same sky.

I once read that part of spiritual growth is finding our place in the flow of the generations. Our place in history. Of course, as you think backward to those who came before you, you also naturally think forward about those who will come after you. This is especially the case now that I am going to be a grandfather for the first time. I see a lot of my Mom's personality in my daughter, like it jumped a generation. Will my daughter say of my grandchild, "Good, Lord! He's/she's just like my Dad!" How much of me will be in that child? And what change will that make now in my place in the flow of history, the flow of the generations, now that a new generation is coming from my child?

I tease my son-in-law that since he will teach this child about Star Wars and Marvel comics superheroes, I will counter this by teaching my grandchild about Star TREK and DC comics superheroes, so the the child will "be balanced." Fun stuff, but superficial. I have have also told my daughter that since she would not let me teach her Martial Arts, I will teach it to this new one.

But what will I be able to pass on that really matters? How much will I be able to be a positive influence on this new generation that has flowed from me? What can I contribute that will be of any lasting depth?  I know that my wife will be nothing short of a remarkable grandmother, but what will I contribute? 

I know that I want to pass on the stories. Pass on 6 generations of family stories to the newest generation. Pass on my stories. Afterall, my wife and daughter claim that there's nothing I like better than a new audience for my stories. Grin. A sign of my approaching 60? And I want to take joy in hearing my daughter pass on her stories. I think it is important to make the stories of our ancestors, grandparents, parents, and our own stories a part of their story. It gives continuity. Too often young people today want to act as though they were born in a vacuum, as if nothing much of any importance happened until they came along. They don't care because it didn't involve them. We are not born into "the vacuum," we are born into the flow.

And there is The Faith.
I will not be this child's parent. I will have limited say about his/her spiritual life. And that is as it should be. I'm not going to be the parent. What I hope for is to be a grandparent that models a Christianity that is real, that is relevant, that is fun, and that has depth. My prayer for my daughter as she was growing up was that she would not find the Jesus of the church, but the Jesus of the Bible. That is my prayer for this grandchild that we are expecting. However, whether this prayer comes about or not, I will always love the stuffin's out of this kid.

I think that in some way we become concerned about our journey lasting longer than we do. That's why it's important to be able to pass on things to the next generations. Invest a part of ourselves in them, just as they invest part of themselves in us, contributing to our journey. My daughter has made my life richer just by being my daughter. She is a person of spirituality and depth. I'm looking forward to her child doing the same for me--child of my child. And there's my son-in-law's stories, and the stories of his parents and his grandparents and on back, that will add to the child's journey. He will be a great Dad. He's a man of quality, and he will bring a neat military background, a man serving his country. An honorable contribution to his child's journey. When it comes to parents, my grandchild will be blessed.

And there's the contribution of my son-in-laws' parents, their stories that they will pass on to a new generation. I just found out last Christmas my son-in-laws' Mom lived in my adopted hometown of Batesville, Ark. We had fun comparing stories and landmarks.

I really didn't know my paternal grandfather. He visited a few times when I was very young, but died in the 1960s. I did know my maternal grandfather. I really think the movie, Grumpy Old Men was partly based on his life, except he wasn't endearing like those two old coots. I remember my Mom referring to him as "that mean old man," and she was right. It was my father-in-law who really modeled for me what it means to be a Christian man, husband, and father, and a grandfather. He's the one I miss the most. I smile whenever I remember him. Now that I've just turned 59 and am looking forward to being a 1st time grandparent, I wonder how I will be rememberd? What will be my contribution to the flow of the generations?

I do know this. My contribution will not happen by accident. Nor do I want it to be a by-product as I pursue a self-centered, entertained and distracted life, replacing meaning with busy-ness like much of our society.

Maybe I should make a Bucket List of what I want to model and pass on to my grandchildren.

I wonder: someday, when my grandchild is a grandparent, he or she will stand at my headstone with his/her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and tell them about me? What will be said?

And my journey will outlast me.