More Than Enough Trail Bosses

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived.
~Charlotte Joko Beck

When I was 17, and a brand new Christian, I was visiting my father, his wife (my stepmother) and their daughter (my half-sister). My father's next door neighbor was also his landlord. Mr. Wilson was an "old school holiness minister." He and his wife had left the Church of the Nazarene because they were "too worldly." I guess that big, new black Cadillac in his driveway didn't count. Mr. Wilson came over every evening to watch the evening news. The Wilsons did not believe in television sets, but Mr. Wilson liked the evening news.

One evening, after the news was over, Mr. Wilson looked at my Dad and said, "You know, Gill, in order for you to get right with God, you need to divorce Lee and go back to your first wife." This came out of the blue and with no warning. My Dad gave him a puzzled look and said, "What?" "Well," Mr. Wilson went on, "when you divorced your first wife, it was not on grounds of adultery, so therefore it was not biblical and is not recognized by God. So you need to go back to your first wife." My stepmother spoke up: "Well, what about me and Janie?" Mr. Wilson shrugged and said, "That's what you get for marrying a sinner."

I could not believe my ears. I said to Mr. Wilson, "That won't work, because Dad was not my Mom's first husband. Her first husband was a man named Bill, and their marriage did not end because of adultery, either. So if my Mom wants to 'get right with God,' she won't be going back to my Dad, but will have to go back to her first husband. So how can Dad go back to my Mom 'to get right with God' if my Mom has to go back to Bill?"

There was a pause, and then Mr. Wilson threw up his hands and said, "You people have your lives so screwed up even God can't straighten it out.'

 So I said to my Dad, "Why don't you accept Christ here, in this marriage, and start living your life as a Christian right now, right here?" Well, both Dad and my stepmother thought this made sense. Dad looked at Mr. Wilson and asked, "So, how about that?" Mr. Wilson shook his head and said, "Well, if you want to be liberal about it." I smiled and said, "Yeah, let's be liberal about it! I think Jesus would be liberal about it!"

Mr. Wilson got up and walked out. I had dared to use "Jesus" and "liberal" in the same sentence.

As we travel through this life, there is no shortage of people who want to be our trail boss, who want to tell us how to travel our own lives--how to act, what to think, what to believe, what our values should be, what our "issues" should be, what political party to belong to, how to vote, and so on. Ministers, denominations, church people, Conservatives, Liberals, political parties, the Media (particularly talk radio and talk TV hosts), and not to mention certain relatives. These all want to "parent us."

Some people are not happy unless they are running other people's lives.

When I was growing up, I had a stepfather who was not only abusive, but totally domineering. He told us how to talk, how to dress, how to walk, how to eat, what to think, how to sit down in and get up out of furniture--nothing about us was out of his master hand. I remember one time I was walking across the living room and he barked, "You're walking to heavy. Walk lighter." I was 10, and a scrawny kid--how heavy could I be walking? Once, when I was 16, I was counting money out to my Mom, and my stepfather, Bud, yelled at me. Mom said, "What is your problem?" Bud angrily replied, "He's not counting that money back the way I taught him!" And he was really ticked about it.

At 17 I'd had enough, and one night I hit the road. I vowed that I would never be dominated again. What I found out is that when you get out from under one trail boss, there are PLENTY of others who are willing to fill the vacancy, to take charge of your journey, your life, for you.

And we wonder why we travel through life with so much baggage weighing us down.

In psychology, these trail bosses are called "Critical Parents." With the Critical Parent, it's not just what we do that is "wrong," but who we are. Our personhood comes under bombardment by their criticism and "help." Who we are is actually lessened.

Paul declared in 1 Corinthians 15:10, But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect. With my baggage, it's enough of a struggle to be who God wants me to be without all "God's helpers."

It's like the golf swing. The most complicated 1.5 seconds of your life. If you just relax, keep your eye on one spot on the ball, have no other thought, and just let the swing flow natually, the body will align itself with the proper golf swing. I was practicing this one day at a golf course. Relaxed, did not think, kept my eye on the ball. And within a few strokes I stopped slicing it off to the right, but instead was hitting straight and true. I was very pleased and very happy with my swing. A man was sitting behind me, watching. After a few minutes he said, "You're swing is pretty good, but I can give you some pointers that will make it even better," and he spent the next 5 minutes showing me how to stand and how to swing. He smiled and said, "This will make you an even better golfer," and walked away. Thinking about his pointers and concentrating on them, it was no time before I was slicing the ball off to the right again. And was angry and frustrated--again. With his pointers, my swing was no longer my swing.

I sat down and just looked at the blue sky, the grass, took in the sounds, and forgot the pointers. Then I addressed the ball again. I kept my eye on one spot. Erased all thoughts. Relaxed. Let the swing flow. And in 5 strokes I was hitting straight and true once more.

Who God wants me to be is all that matters. Who I am by the grace of God is God's gift to me, to the Church, and to the world. He guides me along the path. He brings out the best of His Creation, if we just flow with Him.

He's not the trail boss. He's the Shepherd.

I don't need trail bosses. I sure as hell don't want any more Critical Parents.

But I sorely need shepherding.

Your Fellow Traveler,
~Steve